I just noticed my last full posting here on october 31st…man that
was quite a while ago. So a lot has happened since then. I am not sure
how forthcoming I want to be about all the little gory details. I can
say that it has been an interesting ride. If I were to draw the path
of the ride it went up after Halloween, then further up around the
evening the election results were in, then gradually came crashing down.

I’ve had this health mantra for a while: If you feel like shit, do
SOMETHING that helps your basic needs (eat, drink water, sleep,
exercise, socialize). If you can’t do one of them do what you can. I
guess this could backfire for the overeaters out there.

So I have that knowledge yet…somehow I still felt pretty bad. I
don’t want to sound all cheery now that I’m feeling better, because
I’m actually not. I’m alright. But there are still a lot of external
stressors that I feel pretty powerless to. I have to wait. I put
things in motion, then wait for others to reply. In the mean time I
guess I’m learning how to leave looming things around and still find
out where the areas I can enjoy are.

So let’s see. Halloween Night: One person showed up to that drum
invite on the streets; one of the main drummers from the farmers
market circle. He’s the metronome. We played a while but I wanted to
wander around while playing and he seemed happy sitting in one place.
So that didn’t last more than 20 minutes or so. The trash orchestra
people were going through a break. The 2 friends that sort of
committed flaked for various reasons: one for getting swept away in
other things, the other for having a serious case of the runs.

So no one showing up was pretty sucky. I guess having motivation to do
something I normally don’t, doesn’t mean everyone I know will have
that same enthusiasm.
I made the best of it. I swam around the crowd, I played loud hard and
got out whatever impulsive sonic ideas i had. People danced, screamed,
rapped, joined in, etc. It was fun. Fuck friends. There is a world
around us full of people excited about what we are. All you have to do
is…it. And poof you’ll be surrounded by other like minds.
Spontaneously a few days later more cheering and mayhem erupted on
Pacific Avenue. But this time the excitement and release of tension
wasn’t a scheduled holiday but a building moment since long before all
of us existed. (Obama was elected)

That was nice. I’ve been to too many shows where I’m not all that into
the band. I see hardcore fans and feel their excitement but feel like
an impostor. Yeah I like them, but clearly not as much as the ones
drenching their shirts in sweat…..But that night somehow I was as
into it as everyone else. I could feel the roar of the crowd.
Everything I could do worked. Random noise, erupting to chants, to
solid simple beats, to whatever. I was on the same page as the crowd;
effortlessly.

That was a blast. No melancholy about no friends showing up. I saw a
few new friends there…….
that was fun…but short-lived.

That bright torch I loved to burn ran out of fuel. So where are these
friends? My new found lovers of crazy noisy good times? I guess they
will reappear when I reappear.

–

So I’m feeling better. Not on ‘top of my game’ but enough to fix this
blog and write these thoughts.
I think exercising 3 days straight is doin it. That was the one area
of my ‘basic needs’ I was neglecting.
I MUST run around more. Ok I’m gonna go.
I think I have thoroughly redeemed myself with this post.

(oh I don’t have any photos of those good times because my hands were
too busy making the good times. Feel free to email me any you have.)

Well I had a slight problem with this blogging platform. I tried to log in one day and couldn’t. I was still able to post via email but that isn’t quite as rewarding all the times I want to include and image, audio or whatever.

thanks for listening….